Grrrr...

The pain I had yesterday continued throughout the night as I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. At around 4 am I finally conked out.... I dozed on and off til my alarm rang at 8:15. I heard it in the distance but was unable to move. I thought of my doctor and how bad I wanted to see her today....but my body just wouldn't cooperate. I laid there, my limbs so heavy...eyes glued shut ......by the time I was able to pry my eyes open and un-fog my brain enough to move, it was 2pm. Damn. I stumbled to my feet and got to my computer to send her an email, explaining what had happened. The whole time I was typing, I was getting more and more pissed off. I hate what this disease has done to me....it has made me unreliable, one of my biggest pet peeves. To me it is a sign of disrespect. I mean no disrespect when I'm unable to keep an appointment etc, but it sometimes comes across that way...I've been yelled at for it...even punished in a sense by the clinic I go to. If I miss my 3 month check-in appointment, they make me come every 2 weeks, or they will not give me my medication...even though I explain to them the reason I missed my appointment was because I was very ill, and it is not possible for me to come in every 2 weeks. It's even in my chart "client has a habit of not showing up for appointments"....I hate that!!!
OK, takin' some deep breaths here....... gonna lie back down for a bit.